Blue Vanities

I launched the Blue Vanities blog in conjunction with the website in 2009, as an ongoing project aimed at documenting the thousands of generally uncataloged pornographic movies shot in America and elsewhere between the early 1900s and the 1980s.  Expanding upon the content of my book Black and White and Blue, the blog is an irreverent, and colorfully-worded, tribute to what might well be the last unloved art form of our age.

You can visit Blue Vanities here… or remain on this page to read a sample entry.

The Best British Stags

Posted on October 6, 2009 – by Dave

1: First, a word of warning – Little Girl Lost is one of the many stags that has come down to us without its intended ending, which means we never do find out if the weeping damsel whose sorry plight opened the film ever finds her way home. Neither do we discover which of her gallant rescuers makes the biggest mess. But enough has survived to know that they at least tried.

The film opens gently; rescued from a park bench by two smartly attired Lotharios, the shyly pretty brunette is taken back to their flat, handed a mug of tea and an A-Z guide book, and she’d probably have gone on her way soon enough had one of her hosts not thought it incredibly funny to whip out his dick and pretend to fuck her ear. Of course she catches him in the act and, for a moment, she reels back in surprise. But then she reaches out to grasp him and, with all three of the cast doing their best to suppress their giggles (and not always succeeding), she delivers a bj to be proud of.  Teeth and all.

Of course his friend soon requires one as well, so while he plugs her at one end, his buddy gets to work at the other, and all goes swimmingly until… the film cuts out, and we are left with so many unanswered questions that you’ll never tire of watching Little Girl Lost, even if it’s merely in the hope that it will magically repair itself….

Little Girl Lost can be found on Classic Stags Volume 211

2: One of the most memorable of all British stags, at least if you believe author Chrissie Bentley (see her story Pictures of Lily elsewhere on this blog) is 1960s British threesome The Nightspot, an exuberant 2m 1f threesome that peaks midway through when one of the male participants fails to warn his fellatrix of his imminent ejaculation. And what a surprise that turns out to be.

Nightspot opens with two young men entering what is clearly a classy nightclub, and inviting the buxom hostess to join them for drinks. Of course things rapidly progress from there and, at the suggestion of one of the visitors, they retire to a conveniently located bedroom. One of the men is inside her within moments of their clothes coming off; his buddy, however, is treated to a long and evidently exquisite blowjob… so exquisite that, though the camera seems more intrigued by the below the belt action, it’s up top where things are really cooking. And where he lets go without a word.

A portrait of grace and harmonic beauty beforehand, the hostess suddenly pauses for a split second, frozen in mid-movement. Her eyes bulge comically in surprise, and then she reels around as sperm cascades out of her mouth. Words are exchanged; she is clearly requesting some warning for next time. But she obviously doesn’t get it because, as the movie approaches its climax, an almost identical scene is played out with the other male lead, and the cameraman, at least, has learned his lesson. His lens has barely left her lips since the last time. And she’s okay as well – this time, she doesn’t complain in the slightest.

Nightspot can be found on Classic Stags Volume 287

3: Tonight At 8 takes the title by which it’s best known not from its credits (of which there are none), but from an advertising hoarding on the streets of London’s Shaftsbury Avenue, announcing the opening time of a stageshow. The two guys and a girl who spent the first few minutes browsing around showland won’t be in the audience, though; they’re back at somebody’s apartment, with the pop music presumably cranked up full blast (the film is silent, so we’ll never know) and dancing in an increasingly suggestive manner with one another.

Had it been set to a Swinging Sixties soundtrack, the Swinging Blue Jeans maybe, or possibly the Yardbirds, Tonight At 8 could be an unseen out-take from Antonioni’s Blow-Up (which we would judiciously retitle Blow Job if it were); the boys are perfectly cast, young and enthusiastic, a little blundering (okay, a lot blundering), and the short-haired blonde object of their attentions might well feel more like a science project than the object of their lust, but she has a good time regardless. And that’s the appeal of the film, a candid reminder that all of us started out fumbling at first, and how fortunate we’d have been to have had such a patient teacher to guide us. The scene where she kneels to offer the two boys a blowjob, only to be foiled by their continued insistence on playing the dancing fools cracks everybody up and, while things do settle down eventually, it’s in the knowledge that further tomfoolery could break out any moment. A wonderfully human, innocent and enjoyable film, Tonight At 8 is the perfect antidote to the over-scripted choreography of the modern sex film.

Tonight At 8 can be found on Classic Stags Volume 21

4: The Schoolgirl’s Dream is one in a long line of stags that attempts to enter the mind of a sleeping woman, to discover that her dreams are just as wild as any guy’s. And the fact that the buxom heroine opens the movie in full school uniform, which she only slowly removes as she gets ready for bed only adds to the fantasy fulfilment.

The dream begins within a minute or so of her head touching the pillow; one moment shes alone in bed, the next there’s a naked man in there beside her. And then another, standing beside her bed with an elephant’s face drawn on his stomach – and no surprise what the trunk is.

It’s an oddly cut film, few of the scenes last as long as they should, as if the film maker wanted to cram as many different acts and positions into the allotted time as possible. But the cast are attractive and the moments where the camera does linger are certainly worth watching.

The Schoolgirl’s Dream can be found on Classic Stags Volume 311

5: If schoolgirls constituted one of the major filmic obsessions of 1960s British porn, then au pairs would soon be following them. And The Lusty Au Pair gives you the reason why. Opening with a woman who is both lusty and busty arriving at the home of her latest employer, suitcase and scribbled directions in hand, and then depicting her as she goes about her daily duties, the tone only shifts when the man in the house is forced to squeeze past her in the narrow kitchenette, kneel to get the milk out of the fridge and, apparently, suddenly realize just what a vision he is sharing his house with.

To bed, then, and a very decorous disrobing scene; she has his underwear off some time before he removes hers; and he remains a gentleman too, as she kneels before him to take him in her mouth – and he apparently tells her no. By stag standards, it takes her an age to convince him that it’s not such a bad thing, but you can tell he has far more on his mind, and he finally gets his way, fucking her in a variety of positions before coming hard and then collapsing back, presumably for some well-earned rest. At which point the au pair can get back to what she wanted to do all along, bringing the movie to an end by sucking him back to life again.

The Lusty Au Pair can be found on Classic Stags Volume 210

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